El Genio De La Cebolla, O, Estoy En Amor Con Tracy Gill

I fucking love The Onion. Although most people seem to view it as America's Private Eye, to me, it's always seemed to be closer in spirit to the early works of Chris Morris, it's combination of utter ludicrousness, bitingly sharp satire, idiotic (but deceptively clever) wordplay and pinpoint piss-taking of (global to local) media tropes giving it the air of a print/online equivalent of The Day Today/On The Hour/Brass Eye*. I've gobbed so many drinks over my computer through reading an Onion headline at the wrong moment I've lost count**

And then they started Onion Radio, which is as good as you'd expect, and The Onion News Network, which is the funniest fucking thing I have seen in a while. News stories so stupid that they could rip spacetime treated with that special American News Reader grave seriousness, played totally and utterly straight, from O-Span's political coverage (Congress To Hide Nations' Porn From Future Generations...) to the sublime Today Now, a pinpoint demolition of daytime TV featuring the astonishingly mental Tracy Gill, who in one fantastic segment, interviews the author of her own biography with seemingly no awareness of the book's subject or content.

Anyways, here's three of my favourite clips. And try not to spit all over yr keyboards...

Denmark Introduces Harrowing New Tourist Ads Directed By Lars Von Trier

Obama Axes Pentagon Plan To Build Billion Dollar Tank In Shape Of Dragon

New BabySafe Ball Makes Shaking Your Infant Guilt And Injury Free

*Although they don't have CM's sheer fucking balls, I mean witness CM and Armando Ianucci's fantastically offensive post-9/11 special which came free with the Observer back in 2002. Can you really see the New York Times or any other big US broadsheet even contemplating printing that for the edification and enjoyment of it's readers? Can't see it myself.

**Note to Mr Jobs: Apple, I love yr computers and the way they don't crash mid-whateverI'mcuntingdoing all the fucking time, but I do feel that yr keyboards leave a little to be desired in the ability to withstand accidentally-sprayed alcoholic beverages. The only good thing I could say about my old PC is that I could throw the keyboard at a brick wall, accidentally use it as an ashtray, spill all sorts on it, and after a few hours drying upside down, the fucker would work. Just a thought.

El Perro De La Cerveza

Go Here immediately and buy their beer, it's fucking wonderful. Particularly the Punk or Hardcore IPAs, the most lip-puckering brilliantly bitter ales it has ever been my good fortune to come across. Punk is 6.8%abv of passionfruity dry-as-Death Valley ultrarefreshment that has knocked my previous favourite hot day ale* off the top of the 'Sun's out, let's make a brown glass bottle pyramid in the kitchen' chart. It even beats a perfect gin'n'tonic**.

Hardcore is to Punk what it name implies; harder, faster, louder***. 9.2%abv of hops, bitterness, hops, some more hops, bitterness and hops. God, it's good. There is bitter, there is IPA, then there's this. 150 (at least) IBUs§ of everything that makes a beer great, with nary a hint of the syrupiness (whether in texture or taste) that is unfortunately so often a feature of higher abv brews. It's so bitter it makes you dribble. And dry? Neat Campari or Manzanilla sherry (mmmm salty wine§§§) can't hold a candle to this fucker. Possibly the finest beer in existence.

*Cooper's Sparkling Ale, proof that, contrary to popular belief, the Aussies can make a decent beer. It's appallingly drinkable, and also has that sharp passionfruit edge that so many good, properly dry pale ales have. Weird thing is, I can't fucking stand passionfruit, never has a flavour/aroma been meant to exist as a backnote, a tint, as much as passionfruit. To me, in a beer, it's like civetone in perfume, in the background, in small quantities, it smells gorgeous, but you wouldn't stick your nose up a civet's arsehole...

**Hot day.

Big glass (3/4s of pint should do you).

Ice, made in the bottom of the freezer, lots of.

One and one half to two parts good gin (Tanqueray, Plymouth, Bombay Sapphire, Gordon's Distillers Cut. No crap. Sloe gin is acceptable.)

One and one half to half a part good tonic water.

Lemon zest, and a slice if y're feeling poncey. Lime is not acceptable in a G'n'T.§§

I'm a fussy fucker, what can I say?

***but unlike it's musical equivalent, not without subtlety.

§International Bitterness Units scale. Info here.

§§Quince might be tho, anyone got a quince tree?

§§§Seriously. Manzanilla is brilliant stuff, I generally don't like sherry, even most Finos taste a bit 'off' to me, but a good Manzanilla is astonishing. Like alcoholic sea.