Bestia Acuática Excelente Cuatro, Cinco Y Seis: Manos De Jazz

Behold the winner of the Semi-Translucent Seabeast category of the 2012 Benthic Jazz Hands awards. The runners-up were none too fucking pleased, as the photos below show:

Scale worms!

Coming soon: The most disgusting, unnerving creature this world has ever seen. If you don't like segmented legs and exoskeletons you will have nightmares...

Bestia Acuática Excelente Tres: ¡Plato Voladors!

Is it in the sea? Is it in the sky? Who knows? The silent invasion of the Benthocodons continues apace...

Space jelly!

Bestias Acuática Excelente Uno Y Dos: El Cerdos Del Mar

I think it's fair to say that aquatic bacon is not going to catch on.

And if anyone still doubts that more fucked-up shit lives in the sea than in the most fevered imagination, check out this Lovecraftian monstrosity...

Sea Pigs!

Bestia Excelente Dieciséis

The rare transcendence-seeking coypu* contemplates the nature of vegetable before eating.

*Or nutria, as you insist on calling them in America. Nutria is a fucking stupid name for an animal. Sounds like a fucking energy drink or some sort of revolting dietary supplement.

Bestia Excelente Quince

The geometric llama with the very tiny head. Excellent for wool and checking yr shelves are level.

Bestia Excelente Catorce

The armadillo, nature's Transformer. This one has the astonishing ability to transform itself into an unconvincing giant walnut. Larger specimens should be approached with extreme caution as they tend to roll up into minature Death Stars and destroy rebel planets. 

Not all armadillos are Transformers though, some of them are mates of Mick Farren.

Bestia Excelente Trece

 Of all the excellent beasts our magnificent planet boasts, the most insouciant flâneur of them all is the giant anteater, whose winning air of absolute nonchalance and fantastic trousers set it apart from the average anteater, I think you'll agree.

Bestias Excelente Diez Y Once

Check out those mutton-chop whiskers*. Meet Wing Commander Pietrain and Squadron Leader Mulefoot, pride of the RAF (the 110th Flying Bacons to be precise**).

*I know, I didn't take the opportunity for a really shit pun. I do have some self-control you know. Well, sometimes. 

**Also known as the Hambusters. I'll stop now, I promise.

Bestias Excelente Ocho Y Nueve

The mountain goatelope isn't keen on those who take the piss out of its very rectangular head, fortunately its chief method of retaliation is to look shocked in an exceedingly camp manner.

I have no idea what this tapir is doing. I can only surmise that it's just seen Alien for the first time and is practising its xenomorph impersonation. Breaks the ice at tapir parties.

Bestia Excelente Siete

A very, very small, but extremely irate Burrowing Owl. Look at it's face. Not happy. In fact it's so fucking angry spacetime has begun to warp in it's presence. That's no stone it's hiding behind, it's a bubble of tormented universe stuff. Back away. Slowly. Do not antagonise the tiny owl.

Bestia Excelente Cinco

The Horniman museum walrus. Perhaps the ultimate badly-stuffed winterbeast. 

Bestia Excelente Cuatro

The rare inflatable pangolin doing its legendary artichoke impersonation. And yeah, I'm in a much better mood now thank you. More hungover foolishness later.

Bestia Excelente Tres

Stoner Wombat

Bestia Excelente Dos

Emo cow

Bestia Excelente

There will be much new stuff up on the blog in the next couple of days or so, but in the meantime, why not enjoy this picture of a capybara with its excellent face.