Thursday, 23 April 2009

Wunderful Meat

I'll be posting an enormous rant about lazy fucking musicians in the guise of a review of the latest (and absolutely shit-yr-pelvis-out fantastic) Nackt Insecten LP, Quantum Odyssey*, in the next couple of days. I would have finished it tonight, but I'm too stoned and too full of vodka to rant in the precise manner the subject requires, so instead I thought I'd tell you my method for cooking the perfect steak. It reads like it's far more of an arse-around than it actually is, so try it out, you won't regret it, and you'll never cook steak another way again.

In addition to the meat, which should preferably be at room temperature, you will need:

One frying pan
One large pot
One ziploc bag (or any plastic bag you can tie a waterproof knot in, is big enough to fit the steak in, and no longer contains cocaine) per steak

Season the meat with whatever floats yr boat, put the steaks into the bags, chuck in a bit more seasoning, squeeze all the air out of the bag and seal it.

Fill the pan with hot water and (this is the Heston Blumenthal method) using yr thermometer and yr masterful control of the gas hob, or (stoner's method) put the pan in the oven and set the thermostat, heat the water to 55C/130F (if you like it rare-medium rare, if you like it another way check this handy table for the requisite temperature).

Chuck the bags in the water. Leave for half an hour**. Have a nice glass of wine and possibly another. Or maybe a joint. Or both. You've got 28 minutes or so to kill.

When time's up, heat up yr pan, chuck in whatever fat or oil you prefer (and whiskey, if y're so inclined and have a fire extinguisher handy), take the steaks out, throw 'em in the pan and fry the bastards 'til they look like a steak should on the outside.

Let them rest for five minutes or so, then consume with extreme delight.

This method works with lamb and veal as well, which I intend to try out as soon as possible.

*It's on Blackest Rainbow, and it's stupidly limited and probably sold out, but I urge you to track this down if you have any room in yr soul for deeply psychedelic mung.

**Or a bit longer if it's a particularly thick lump of flesh.

***I wouldn't try it with pork though, unless you fancy sharing yr digestive tract with a segmented friend.

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

South London Psychedelic Slugfest

Extended hour plus sets from both bands.
Ramleh 10" EP for full price ticketholders.
Morgen Und Nite cdr for all comers. for the £10 tickets for the £7 - no 10" tickets.

Wednesday, 1 April 2009

Synthesis, 17th Century Style

"Wee have also Sound-houses, wher we practise and demonstrate all Sounds, and the Generation. Wee have harmonies which you have not, of Quarter-Sounds, and lesser Slides of Sounds. Diverse Instruments of Musick likewise to you unknowne, some sweeter than any you have; Together with Bells and Rings that are dainty and sweet. Wee represent Small Sounds as well as Great and Deepe; Likewise Great Sounds, Extenuate and Sharpe; Wee make diverse Tremblings and Warblings of Sounds, which in their Originalle are Entire. Wee represent and imitate all Articulate Sounds and Letters, and the Voices and Notes of Beasts and Birds. Wee have certain Helps, which sett to the Eare doe further the Hearing greatly. Wee have also diverse Strange and Artificiall Echos's, Reflecting the Voice many times, and as it were Tossing it: And some that give back the Voice lowder than it come, some Shriller, some Deeper; Yea some rendering the Voice, Differing in the letters or Articulate Sound, from that they receyve, Wee have also means to convey Sounds in Trunks and Pipes, in strange Lines, and Distances."

Roger Bacon, The New Atlantis, 1624
This was also pinned on the wall in the old BBC Radiophonic Workshop. Which explains a lot.