Thursday, 29 March 2012

¿Rachel Khoo, Puedo Ser Su Espátula?

Anyone who's known me for some time has probably heard my "why rabbits* are the ultimate embodiment of evil" theory**. They've probably also noted my deep and abiding (and to some, inexplicable) love of Moloko, a band whose music has always instantly filled me with idiot glee and the urge to dance like a tit because they manage to be funky as fuck, poppy as all hell*** and deeply odd all at the same damn time, which is not an easy trick to pull off. And, of course, the incomparable Róisín Murphy§ was one half of 'em, and I fucking love Róisín Murphy. Not just because of that smoky voice which does things to me I'm not going to discuss in a public place, or that uncanny elastic phrasing of hers, the way she can twist and wrap a vocal line around a skewed rhythm section in a manner which is somehow percussive and slinky at the same time, but also for her utterly batshit lyrics, which I've only just realised, 17 years after the fact, are responsible for the aforementioned evil rabbit theory§§. And this, Killa Bunnies, is the song solely responsible:

Fear them...

*As in rodents.

**When my brain is idling, especially if I'm off my face, I've always enjoyed thinking a ludicrous idea right through to it's ultimate conclusion, just for shits 'n' giggles. I once came up with an entire religion based on analogue synthesizers and kittens purely because I was a bit bored and very, very stoned.

***And given that poppiness isn't really a trait I look for in music, or even respond to very often, the fact that Moloko did pop so fucking well that I love 'em all the more for it is a high and very rare compliment. Their first two LPs, Do You Like My Tight Sweater? and I Am Not A Doctor are just fucking wonderful and I won't have a word said against 'em.

§In the pub a few days ago, someone asked me which singer I would most want to collaborate should such a ludicrous possibility arise. Well, here's yr answer.

§§They don't make any fucking noise. I don't trust an animal that doesn't make a fucking sound unless you sit on it, especially when there's billions of the buggers running around under our feet in their hollowed out catacombs, they've got some sort of fluffy bastard hive-mind going and they're just biding their time...


  1. Did you know that the reason rabbits have so many babies is that every time they fuck, the lady rabbit ovulates? They are an animal whose life cycle is based on having so many babies it doesn't matter if 99 out of a 100 get eaten. That's why Australia is drowning in the them today. An animal designed to be eaten just isn't eaten enough by the local fauna.

    Still, they're cute . . . stewed in a nice ragu sauce. But I don't think I've ever eaten so much of an animal that's been so badly cooked. In fact I'd venture to say I've never had a rabbit that tasted good outside of some sort of tomato-based dish. It can get so sort of liver-y and disgusting if not treated right.

  2. Bloody hell, that's just a tactic designed to overwhelm us with sheer force of numbers... It's also the only meat I've ever tasted that I genuinely have no fucking time for at all. Hare, on the other hand, is just fucking wonderful, especially cooked in it own blood. God, I love jugged hare...

    Also, I believe hearty congratulations are in order, bugger not telling anyone, and I would give you and the F-Word the biggest possible hug if it were geographically feasible.

    Hope the puking calms down soon.

  3. Thank you, buddy. Hugs heartily accepted.

    Hare's on another planet, I agree, but rabbit cooked cacciatore-style is highly edible, if you're ever stuck with one of their carcasses on your hands. No more desirable than chicken, though, and quite a bit bonier.

    (They still sell'em with the ears on in Paris so you know they didn't just skin a cat. Or did in the early 2000s, anyways.)

  4. ah actually, rabbits do make noises.
    they kind ov grunt, like pigs, and also make a high whiney-sound when over-excited.

  5. Fair enough, they're still evil and taste like muck tho ;-)

    The blog's looking rather fine by the way, and I shall endeavour to inform people of it's location when I post me next rant/article/braindribble